10 Bible Names Never to Name Your Kid

1. Gether

Okay, just imagine the confusion that could happen with naming your kid this:

Father: “Gether, my son.”
Gether: “Gather what, father?”
Father: "..."

What makes it even better is that Gether, Aram’s son (Genesis 10:23), had three brothers named Uz, Hul, and Mash. Haul, gather, mash, and ooze (the potatoes) or Hul, Gether, Mash, and Uz? Gah, the confusion!

2. Nimrod

Although in the Bible, Nimrod was known as “the first on earth to be a mighty man” (Genesis 10:8), today's definition of the word (someone who is easily confused or a fool) is far more widespread and more likely be associated with the person named Nimrod. I don't think your kid would appreciate being legally and formally labeled as a nimrod. If your kid happened to be a genius, that would be quite hilarious in an ironic way.

3. On

Once again, a name that has the potential to make life more confusing than it already is. "Get on," or "get On?" No one will ever know.

(And yes, there was a man in the Bible named On. He was actually one of the men who rebelled against Moses and got swallowed up by the earth. Refer to Numbers 16 if you don't believe me.)

4. Basemath

Chemistry plus math in one name. That'll make your kid popular instantly! Basemath? Acidmath? A little backstory behind this name: Basemath was one of Esau's wives. Wait, this is a female name?? Whatever. His reason for marrying her? He wanted to displease his father by marrying a Canaanite (Genesis 28:6-9 and 36:2-3).

5. Mnason

Think about how many people would try correcting the spelling of your kid's name. People would think that his name was supposed to be Mason but that someone had accidentally made a typo on his birth certificate. However, you can always count on the Christians who have drawn lessons from the example of Mnason about the exercise of hospitality (Acts 21:16) to not question your son's name!

6. Mahershalalhashbaz

biblical_baby_names_qc47t.jpg

Please have mercy on your child. I don't think your child would be able to learn how to write their name until middle school. This name also comes with a not-so-pleasant story behind it. "For before the boy knows how to say ‘My father’ or ‘My mother,’ the wealth of Damascus and the plunder of Samaria will be carried off by the king of Assyria.” (‭Isaiah‬ ‭8‬:‭4‬).

7. Shimei

Ah, Shimei. This man is known as the one who cursed David and was referred to as a "dead dog" (2 Samuel 16:5-14). Another great thing about this name is that the pronunciation of it is "shim-ee-eye" aka "shimmy I" aka inverted syntax of the sentence, "I shimmy!" What is Shimei's hit dance move? SHIMEIng. Ba dum tss!

8. Ichabod

This is probably my favorite. Not only does it sound like "itch a bod(y)," it also literally means "inglorious," or "there is no glory." Ichabod was Eli's grandson and The son of Phinehas. When Eli heard that his son, Phinehas, died in the battle with the Philistines who had captured the Ark of the Covenant, he fell off his chair and broke his neck and died. Phinehas's wife then gave birth to a son, and named him Ichabod because the glory had departed from Israel (1 Samuel 4). Have fun explaining to your kid why you would name them something that is so cynical!

9. Jehoshaphat

The story behind Jehoshaphat is great; he was a great king who found favor in God's eyes (2 Chronicles 17-20). But let's be real, Jehoshaphat sounds like someone's sneezing. Am I right, ladies? (and men)?

10. Naharai

Naharai was one of David's heroes (1 Chronicles 11:39), and the name sounds quite pleasant, but there is a catch. You know how practically everyone looks up the meaning behind their name? Well that'll be a fun moment for your child. Naharai is defined as, "my nostrils; hot; anger." Great conversation starter right there, my friends.

So future parents, I'd like to advise you to think carefully when choosing a name from the Bible for your child.